Day 17: stronger

Last night, I went for a 4 mile walk with my b.b.g. and then stayed up until 3 a.m. working on my graphic design portfolio. Needless to say, there was no way I was getting up at 7 to go to the gym. Instead, I opted for a 2.5 mile with Miss Olivia at dusk.

It was absolutely beautiful out. Perfect temperature. Perfect breeze. Perfect, indeed.

While on our walk, our conversation turned to two interesting things: fat days & dressing to fit your body.

It's amazing to me how one's appearance can change so drastically simply by changing clothes. I started off the day in a pretty normal outfit and felt confident in it and in the way I looked. As soon I put on my stretch pants, sneakers and teeshirt, even though technically I (as a person) still looked exactly the same, I instantly felt grungy and unattractive. What IS this bullshit?!

I'm sure it has something to do with psychology. I automatically equate my gym clothes with being sweaty, getting flushed and looking unkempt. In other words, needing a shower. Perhaps this mentality plummets me into ugly mode as soon as I step into my sneakers.

Still, I definitely think there's something to be said for dressing well. Or at least not dressing badly. Olivia mentioned that she would rather go up a size than wear clothing that doesn't fit. I absolutely agree.

Over the past 4 years, I've gone up 2-4 sizes, depending on the brand. Most people claim they didn't notice that I've gained like 30 pounds. Maybe they're just really good liars. But I'm also not trying to squeeze myself into things that don't fit. I am painstakingly aware of my fat rolls and thunder thighs and birthing hips. I'm not embracing them, but I'm also going to be realistic about them. I definitely take the time to try to dress in a way that makes the most of my body - whether I'm happy with it at the moment or not.

Especially on fat days. When I have a fat day, I feel like I have to overcompensate for the shitty feeling of fatness. I feel like I have to look extra good. Wear something that is super flattering and normally reserved for special occasions. Though sometimes I do just want to cover everything up and hide.

Ahh, the elusive fat days.

I found an article called "How to Survive a Fat Day" - which I find amusing.

The highlights:

- embrace your fat day (wear clothes that are comfortable)

- treat your fat day to aromatherapy and good smells

- get some exercise

- make sure your hair looks extra nice (apparently, fat days require amazing hair)

- make plans with friends

- do something nice for someone else

- check with your fat day and ask it why it's come to visit you. Where is this rooted? Do you need to change your diet? Your exercise routine?

I'm inclined to believe that my fat day is calling to remind me that I would look better if I became anorexic. But I normally hang up on it before it can convince me.