Motivation

This morning, I slept in until 10 and felt kind of lazy as I lounged around and ate two pieces of oat nut toast with margarine and a cup of tea with honey. Around 12, the group of four of us loaded into the car to hit the gym. I was still tempted to bike there, but it was only 32 degrees out and fairly cloudy, so I decided against it.

When we got to the gym, I immediately felt at home. Over the past week, I've settled into a pretty good routine and have started to feel somewhat fit again and definitely more confident. I tackled the elliptical first, and whipped out 2 miles. Then I did the weight machines again and ended on the treadmill.

I was determined to beat my time from yesterday, and beat it I did. I also *gasp* enjoyed the treadmill again. I'm sickened to type such things. But I have to say that my playlist is PERFECT. Each step I take corresponds to each note and makes me feel youthful, vibrant, and happy to be moving in time. Gross.

After I hopped off, my mom told me that I looked athletic and my dad told me that I looked like I was running at a good pace. I will agree that I felt both of those things at the time. I also DID manage to beat my time from Wednesday: I finished that mile in 13 minutes, shaving off another 1 minute, bringing my total mileage to -2.5 minutes from my starting point. Not bad for a week's worth of gyming, eh?

I'm nervous that once I return to school, I will lose this drive. I don't want it to happen, but I also didn't want it to happen after this productive and athletic summer. And it did.

How to keep myself motivated? How to remind myself that I actually enjoy working out, that I love the way I feel during and after - even if the before is sometimes a nuisance (especially when it requires me to wake up at 6 a.m. and trudge across a snowy campus)?

I'm the kind of person who needs to feel held accountable to others. Self-imposed deadlines and restrictions do not work for me. I need to feel that someone is watching me, is depending on me. This is why I've always felt inclined to work out with a gym buddy. This is why I've always appealed to other people's opinions of myself: how do I look? Does it look like I've gained weight? Do you think I need to lose weight?

It's a weakness in myself that I don't quite know how to conquer. And it extends to other things beyond my body. I have the same sense when it comes to most other things in my life: my work ethic, my hobbies, etc.

Am I ever going to be able to answer to myself and myself only? Who knows. But for now, I need the encouragement and I need the reproach if I don't succeed. Hence this blog. When I stop posting, you know that I've stopped working out. So, hold me accountable!! I need the pressure.

Food for thought

Lunch: grilled spinach, tomatoes and onions on wheat nut bread with two slices of American cheese. 1 piece of bologna. 1 can of diet pepsi. One 90 calorie Snicker's ice cream bar

Dinner: for dinner tonight, we're going out. We haven't gone out for any dinners since I've arrived! So tonight = splurge night. And unfortunately, we only have one dinner left after that before I head back to the snowy, desolate, unbikeable terrain of Massachusetts :(