Day 85: cop out

So I didn't do anything physical yesterday. I honestly don't remember why. The night was full of bad decisions, including a) a trip to BK and b) a trip to the vending machine [both with your favorite Russian & mine]. Mind you, both of these trips were made after midnight. So yes. Bad decisions, indeed!

Because the gym closed early all week and also, I am on duty until 7:30, I decided to go back to some online fitness videos. I tried to find a 30 minute cardio workout and couldn't. I probably didn't try hard enough. But I did find a bunch of 10 minute workouts, and figured that if I combined three of them, voila! thirty minute cardio workout.

I started off with a three minute cardio kickboxing warm up then moved into the 10 minute cardio kickboxing video and finished up with a 10 minute "Jump Start Cardio" video - which I didn't realize was literally all jumping.

Here I am in a pink sports bra, shorts and my biking sneakers jumping around my living room like an idiot with my arms flailing and the air conditioner blasting. I've come to a few conclusions:

a) I am not coordinated. And not only am I not coordinated, I'm also dreadfully un-graceful.

b) I'm having a fat day. Which is to be expected after the french fry / chicken / 3 musketeers binge last night. Ugh I just feel so...fat. I feel out of shape. I felt every roll tremble with every jump step and hop. It was not cute.

c) I don't really like exercise videos. They kind of suck. Or maybe I'm the one that sucks? Whatever the case, I just don't feel like it's actual exercise. Sure, I'm sweating. Sure my fat's-a-jiggling. Sure my heart rate is up. But I'm not convinced that if I did these every day, I would be in shape. Then again, I've been doing whatever-else all these days, and I'm not in shape. So what do I know?

d) I'M HAVING A FAT DAY. even my typeface is fat.

e) My favorite part of my body used to be my flat stomach. I didn't even have to do anything and there it was, all nice and flat and roll-less. What happened, stomach? Why do I suddenly loathe you? Why do you feel nasty flyin' solo in a sports bra and look even worse? Can't we just go back to the way things used to be? Don't you want to be my friend?

f) My calves suck. They are hella-muscular from biking, but I have no cardio endurance with them. They just go crack crack crack crack (actually that's probably my ankles). And they hurt. Don't tell me to do stretches. I've done stretches. I feel like this is extremely detrimental to my life'o'fitness. If my calves didn't suck, I would absolutely be able to run a mile. Because my body itself is in pretty decent condition. It damn well should be after almost 90 days of working out every day. I want to be able to run. I want to like running. I want to walk up the stairs and not hear the crack crack crack crack. It seems that they take any impact very strongly (and harshly). What gives? Probably my ankles in a few years.

So all in all, 20 minutes of lame and half-assed cardio. I'm hoping I'll have the motivation to go for a bike ride later this evening. Maybe that will make me feel better about myself. One can only hope so.