Where it's at

I suppose this post is more about where I'm at, but I had the Beck song stuck in my head at the time and it seemed aptly named.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am trying to I.M.L. And since I've been on this path for nearly 3 months now, I figured I'd give you a brief recap of what it's been like since I started.

I've been going to the gym for an average of an hour a session and an average of 3 sessions a week since I moved to CT and joined PF. This is the most consistent routine I've had since Sophomore year, which was 7 years and 30 pounds ago.

Since I've gotten back into the routine, I have made some pretty big strides for myself. My average work-out consists of a 30 minute circuit (which alternates between weight machines and cardio) and then a 20-30 minute session on the elliptical (while watching Portlandia, obviously).

I have definitely seem some improvement in the way I feel. I have more energy. I don't feel like I have to drag myself to the gym...in fact, most days I am looking forward to it, which is mildly terrifying (is that really a source of excitement in my life?).

The most important change I've seen has been in my stamina. When I first started the circuit, I was doing between 10 to 15 lbs less on each weight machine than I am now...and I'm feeling about ready to up the pounds on a few of the machines, which is fun.

I am also getting winded less frequently and sweating less (yum). Running up and down the stationary steps for 1 minute may not sound tiring, but just give it a go and see how those 60 seconds stretch on and on. I seriously glare at the Green light the entire time willing it to flicker into Red so I can move back to the weights and away from the exhaustion.

But the bad news here is that my body isn't reflecting the way I feel.

I feel like I lost 10 pounds, but it is just wishful thinking. In reality, I haven't lost squat. I don't need a scale to tell me that - I just put on my pants and note with dismay that they fit exactly the same way they did nearly three months ago. Why, body, why?!

I'm sure I am more fit. There is no way I'm not more fit. But would it be so hard for my body to give me a glimpse of hope, to pare down a few centimeters, or at least flatten out a few rolls?

I guess it is. Traitor.

I keep looking in the mirror hoping to see slimmer lines, the glimmer of a muscle, the firming of flab. And what I see in the reflection is disappointment.

I know I will most likely have to change my diet to make a real difference in the way I look. I know I would see some real results if I were to start dieting. But honestly, I'm not willing to put that kind of restriction on my life. Isn't making a drastic change in my physical activity enough?

I am not eating more than I was prior to this change. I am also not eating less, but I am eating (somewhat) healthier.

You would think this would surely lead to great victory! Alas...

I am going to do my first weigh-in on Saturday and I am curious to see the results. I am hoping to be down at least 2lbs from my last weigh-in 2 wks ago, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

So that's where it's at. (And so is this).